If you’ve ever felt like you don’t fit in, you’re not alone. I’ve felt that way for most of my life in places that clearly should have been “my people,” and weren’t. And other places that it was painfully obvious I didn’t fit. I was the last one picked in gym class and the one picked on in the hallways at school.
I think one of our tendencies is that when we feel like we don’t belong or fit in we dismiss our value or calling in life. When you feel like the world doesn’t see your value, the people closest to you, is it hard for you to see value in yourself? If what you have to offer is different, does that make you feel inferior?
I have felt that way for far too long. Being in groups of people or relationships where I was the odd man out, black sheep; outcast. My way of thinking, unkind words, athleticism, or lack thereof, kept me feeling rejected.
I even remember not too long ago I was sitting in a room full of church woman putting together an event and none of their ideas and plans matched me. In fact the thought that ran through my head was – I’d be more comfortable in a bar than here! Not because I drink, but because at least my prayers for them might be of some value! At one point I reluctantly spoke up and pitched an idea and by the time they were done talking about my idea it was completely altered and didn’t even vaguely resemble what I said. I didn’t fit in. I didn’t belong here. They were on a page that I wasn’t on. I called them my “friends” but some were more like acquaintances, sweet gals- but I was different and knew it. Their ideas and this event didn’t “fit” somebody like me.
I came home that evening crying to my husband – I don’t fit! Everything they said, every idea they had – was not for me. I was so uncomfortable and it wasn’t for someone like me! I don’t belong! And actually, I think this was a realization that I had never “fit in” all these years, with these events, ideas and activities. And instead of recognizing that these ladies were similar, catering to people like them, and not understanding someone like me, I totally felt devalued, rejected, and disregarded.
Have you ever felt like this? The pain and rejection of not belonging? Like everyone in the room is in on the inside joke, but you! Ugh!
But here’s what I’ve discovered. If I don’t fit in here in this place with these people, that doesn’t mean I don’t have people- I just haven’t found them yet! If you don’t fit – then we need someone like you to represent the other ones who are running around out here like YOU! The world needs you! The world needs me! And our people need their tribe leader! You may not fit in this place, at that meeting or with this family… but there is somewhere you TOTALLY fit! You may be surrounded by the wrong people right now. And I think what threw me for a loop was that I was a Christian woman surrounded by other Christian women so I thought I SHOULD fit. But then in conversation I found out we were very different. Our ideas about connecting with God and other people – so different!
True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are.
It requires us to be who we are.
Brene Brown
There are so many times we can feel like we don’t fit. And when this happens, sometimes, a very damaging thought can come into play. “What’s wrong with me?” I don’t fit… so the obvious question is – what’s wrong with me???
I think that’s what I was really wrestling with. I’m flawed. They’re right, but something is inherently wrong with me. So the me that is “me” is not good enough. Somehow I needed to not be me. (ugly cry emoji!!!)
I’m here to tell you that nothing is wrong with you. You just need to find you people, your tribe. The world needs a “YOU” in it! The world needs a “ME” in it! The world needs who you are! The world needs what you have to offer! You were wired for a purpose; a calling in life. We are all here to know and love God and each other.
We need you. You are loved. You fit. Just because someone else doesn’t see your value or purpose doesn’t mean you don’t have one! And I can’t wait to see you shine in who God has made you to be!
A good friend of mine, my coach and mentor has worked very hard speaking encouragement to me. My confidence was so low she would come over and I would be down. After an hour with her I’d be on top of the world. Sometimes our feelings mislead us. They mislead us in our perspective about ourselves. She could clearly see my worth, but I couldn’t. I have this blog and site because of her! She saw value with what I have to offer. She saw my spirit, gifting, and heart. And she pushed me, spoke life into me, believed in me – before I believed in myself. I hope you find these kinds of people for you. Find people who recognize your value and treat you with love and respect.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned of us long ago.
Ephesians 2:10 NLT
