You can only be as close as your beliefs, values, experiences, and personality. When you end up sacrificing any of these– the price is too high.
Have you ever noticed that our closest friends tend to more like us; they identify with us in beliefs, values, experiences or personality? Maybe not in ALL areas, but in some way… we greatly relate!
So this leads me to a problem that if we are not careful – we will fall into this trap!!!
I remember the feeling of wanting to be close to someone who didn’t seem to want closeness with me. I remember the sting of rejection. The gut punch of – “something must be wrong with me?” “Why don’t I have what they have,” I wondered, looking around to see other relationships that had the appearance of “besties?”
I questioned my lovability. I questioned my lovedness. I questioned my worth as a person.
And no matter how hard I tried to be close to this person, I just ended up feeling more unwanted.
I was trying to form closeness with someone who did not align with me in my beliefs, values, experiences, or personality. And ultimately, it made me feel like something was wrong with me. Though really, we were just too different. We did not align. I sacrificed too much. I chased after closeness with them at the expense of me; Laurie.
My self-worth took the hit! My heart took a nosedive! All because I didn’t understand the context of true, real and deep; meaningful relationships. On some level I thought you could just make them happen- create what you wanted… if you tried hard enough.
Have you ever… wanted a relationship to be closer than what it was?
Have you ever… wished for greater intimacy (not necessarily sexual)- but it just wasn’t there?
Have you ever… poured so much of yourself into a relationship, with nothing in return, that it broke your own heart?
Yeah, me too. It hurts beyond words. I’ve cried so many tears over the years, wanting for things to be different and not understanding why they didn’t work out.
You can only be as close as your beliefs, values, experiences, and personality. When you end up sacrificing any of these– the price is too high.
Laurie Krawchuk
After years of pursuing closeness with the wrong people, the Lord spoke up. He said:
Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14 GWT
Let me be clear. I’m not saying that I’m somehow “better” than anyone else. My point is that our views didn’t align. And for me to be close, means I would have had to sacrifice what I believed in, who I was at my core; my true self. Nobody is worth that.
It meant that I would have been not staying true to myself and living a lie, choosing darkness, to gain closeness with a person- leaving behind my faith- which is my greatest hope.
THE SOLUTION
- Get clear on your beliefs and values and stand firm in them.
- Stay true to your personality, not thinking that you need to change to please anyone else.
- Allow people to be who they are, instead of who you wish they were.
- Know that with the right people- intimacy will happen naturally.
Forcing a relationship to be something that its not – is not authentic. The only way for two people to be close, who have major differences in beliefs and values is that, someone will have to sacrifice greatly! And that price… is too high for either person! It is not appropriate for us to force intimate relationships with people who oppose us; our core beliefs and values. These relationships will feel off balance, artificial and leave us wanting more.
You can only be as close as your beliefs, values, experiences, and personality. When you end up sacrificing any of these– the price is too high.
If today’s message touched your heart- leave me a message, I’d love to hear from you! And please share it with someone you know and care about.
Much love and grace, Laurie
