At one point I was suicidal, multiple personality and in a mental hospital. Needless to say my college years were a heart wrenching time. Not to brag, but I was an expert at picking the wrong guy! Do you know what I’m talking about? I so desperately wanted to find Mr. Right, my knight and shining armor, my other half that I evidently tried to make every “one” the “one.” And when it proved otherwise I sunk into a worthless depressed state.
Then one day I dated someone who I realized later was a Christian guy. I didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t even know what a “Christian” really was. But Mr. Christian fella took me to church. This was after the mental hospital, outpatient therapies, numerous therapist that helped but didn’t “cure” my brokenness.
The day he took me to church was the day my life changed forever!
The Pastor that day said these words, “if you’re feeling empty inside and you’ve been trying to fill it, you need Jesus.” I wasn’t sure what “Jesus” had to do with it, but that was me! I was SO VERY empty! I had been trying to fill my emptiness with relationships; men, boyfriends, signifiant other… love.
I said YES to Jesus that day and my life changed forever!
Laurie Krawchuk
So within the week after going to church with Mr. Christian guy I was hanging out at his apartment and we got into a discussion. Upon hearing his words my heart sank and I felt in total disagreement but was too embarrassed to speak up. I held back tears and pretended that nothing was wrong. And then a few minutes later sitting at the kitchen bar I burst into tears. I knew I didn’t agree. I knew that my heart hurt. Broken, I just sat there helpless. And then the most miraculous thing happened!
I looked up to see a vision from God; a field of daisies. My whole body was filled with peace at the sight of it. My tears stopped flowing and I felt God speak, “everything’s going to be okay.” And in that moment I knew that I was supposed to break up with this guy; he wasn’t the guy God had for me.
Y’all I was a brand spanking new Christian gal! I knew nothing! I hadn’t even had time to crack open a Bible! I wasn’t sure who this Jesus was; I didn’t know anything! But God brought me a vision of hope!
Before this I had been in deep depression for 6 years. In a mental hospital for a month, outpatient mental services for eight weeks, and numerous therapists and on a destructive path. My parents had helped me so much, the best they could up to this point. But all the doctors in the world could not cure me of deep depression and an empty broken heart. But with Jesus, the emptiness melted away.
As I said before my desire to find “the one” outweighed my wise decision making skills. If I couldn’t find “the right one” I would make myself “the right one.” I was as good of people pleaser as the rest of them. I was desperate for love. Even to the destruction of my self. My pattern was denying my own heart, self, value… to please and make someone else happy. To the point that I lost my identity. I remember checking into the hospital and being unable to answer any of their questions except my name. I new I had a name, but I didn’t have a self; I didn’t know who I was.
These past boyfriends weren’t necessarily “bad” people – just not right for me.
But God stood up for me. He spoke up for me. He filled my heart and changed my path. He brought me a vision and a hopeful future.
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
He told me everything was going to be okay. I wasn’t sure what that meant but I had an inexplainable peace.
God is a gentleman. He let me make the choice to invite him into my heart. He waited until I was ready to listen and hear. I knew I needed help. I knew I needed hope. I did everything in my power to get love; deny my own heart, beliefs, values, thoughts, and opinions. And I had nothing left. I tried and came up empty and depressed. But now I have reason for hope.
Have you been stuck in a broken pattern in your life? Has it destroyed your sense of self-worth, peace or hope? Has it destroyed you? Have you tried everything in your power to fix it, change it or make things better and it hasn’t worked?
Are you ready for help outside yourself? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?
My path was headed for suicide. I remember the day and the plan. Thank God I didn’t go through with it. God had something better for me. God had someone better for me. And He has something better for you too!
He’s the only one who can fill that empty longing in our hearts. The place we try to fill with relationships, things, accomplishments, money, power, achievements, and anything else we chase after.
What is your vice? What have you tried?
If you’re ready to take a chance on God like I did that day – say YES. You don’t have to know it all, or understand it all, you just have to know and admit you need a new way; something different because your way isn’t working.
Here’s a prayer if you’re ready to invite Jesus into your heart and stop chasing after things that are only tearing you apart.
Dear God,
I need help. I need hope. I’ve tried doing things my way and came up empty. I want more in life. I don’t want to stay in this pattern that is destroying me. I believe that You sent Your Son, Jesus Christ, to die upon a cross for me; to save me from my sins. Jesus paid my debt on the cross. Please forgive me for my sins. I invite Jesus into my heart. Fill me with Your hope and life. Make me new. Thank you for loving and forgiving me. Thank you for saving me. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
If you said that prayer I would encourage you to tell someone and find a church community that is right for you. This prayer is not the end but a beginning to a life with Jesus. It is a daily relationship not a “get out of jail free” card. Many people don’t understand that receiving Jesus is a lifelong relationship that starts now and is daily – like any friendship or intimate relationship. Through the years with the things I’ve been through I can’t imagine making it without Him. Get a Bible and open it up. Start reading in the book of John or wherever you choose. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you understanding and speak to your heart. God Bless you in your new relationship! I’m so excited for you!!!
