In leading multiple grief support groups I’ve learned a lot. I know not everyone will feel comfortable attending a grief support group so I hope to share this very valuable and encouraging information here. I pray that as you begin reaching out, reading posts, putting one foot in front of the other, your healing journey will begin. God Bless!
- Myth – If you deal with grief right away you can get through it quickly.
Not necessarily. Unfortunately grief is its own beast and we are not in charge of when the time is ready and we are able to move forward. Grief can move at different paces with different losses and different people. It can seem better one day and then come back and hit you- when you thought it was done. It takes however long it takes.
- Myth – If you keep yourself busy it will help grief go away.
Keeping busy only delays the inevitable, that is if you’re keeping busy so as not to deal with grief. Not only that but grief can lash out or seep into other areas of your life if you try to avoid it. Areas like –anger, mood swings, addiction, relationship problems, or slip ups at work. While you may be busy, it’s important to take even a few minutes a day to process through your pain.
- Myth – Getting rid of loved ones clothes or things and dealing with big decisions right away is best.
Trying to take care of things or make big decisions too soon can lead to regret and extra pressure. Don’t be in a rush, if you don’t have to. Don’t let other friends or family make you rush either. You might need to give yourself time to process, grieve, and then decide what to do with items. You can also ask for help – when you’re ready.
- Myth – Something is wrong with you because you’re still grieving.
Statements like – “You should be over this by now.” “Maybe you should be thankful for what you have and you wouldn’t still be grieving.” “If you had enough faith you wouldn’t be grieving” – are inaccurate and hurtful. NONE of these statements are true, if they aren’t true for you. Grieving is a natural human response to any significant loss. Your level of grieving doesn’t prove is disprove your faith. Your level of grieving doesn’t prove or disprove your love. Grief takes as long as it takes and it doesn’t discriminate who it pulls down into the pit! Having faith doesn’t make you super human. Having faith means you know a super God.
There is no right way to grieve; there is only your way to grieve and that is different for everyone.
Nathalie Himmelrich
- Myth – If you don’t talk about it, you won’t be so upset. Avoiding grief is best.
When you’re ready, talking actually helps you process through grief. It gives a voice to your pain and it can be honoring to your loved one. It’s therapeutic to talk to a trusted friend or pour your heart out into a personal journal. You won’t feel so alone in carrying the story bottled up inside of you. I tended to journal more, because at my time of grief not many people understood, especially when they hadn’t been through it. Although a couple years ago I lead multiple grief support groups and many found that to be a safe space to share their hearts.
I’ve learned a lot in leading grief groups over the years. I hope you find this post helpful and I’m sorry if you’ve suffered a loss. My heart goes out to you! God bless you on your grief journey. ((hugs))
