Let’s face it – grief is uncomfortable, heartbreaking and just plain sucks! Whether you’ve been through it yourself or not, how can you best support a loved one going through it? Its a delicate circumstance. And most of us are not equipped to know what to do, when to do, or how to do… anything in relation to grief! Its hard! It hurts! Below is a short list of a few things that I’ve heard grieving people say can be helpful. I know that they have been helpful for me as well. You can be a comfort and blessing to those in grief.
God blesses those people who grieve. They will find comfort!
Matthew 5:4 CEV
- Don’t offer advice, just listen.
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in supporting someone in their grief is to spout off our advice for them. Well meaning comments can cause hurt to others who are in such a fragile state. If they ask for advice that’s a different story. But I’ve found that sitting together or just listening, with a few hugs is quite helpful.
- Bring a meal.
After our fist miscarriage a family brought us a meal. It meant so much to me that one family took the time out of their day to think of us and care enough to bring us something- and it was homemade! I’ll always treasure The Roses – who brought us a home-cooked meal! And I remember exactly what it was… and it was soooo appreciated in our difficult time.
- Send a card or give a gift to let them know you care.
We ended up getting a unique and quirky little ornament from a family after our miscarriage, but I counted it as a gift in honor of our heavenly babies! I felt so loved on that they thought enough to give us this little treasure in our time of need. We also got a few cards which was also very appreciated. It may not feel like much to give a small gift or simple card, but to the receiver it is immensely appreciated whether they say it or not.
- Make yourself available to help in practical ways or just to come and sit with them.
Sometimes the simplest things can be the greatest help. Things like mowing the yard, picking up some groceries, or riding with them to run errands. They may not accept help right away, but just let them know your available and don’t force your help on them.
- Pray for them in private.
Usually a private prayer is best and let them know you are praying for them. When people told me that they were praying for us, the ones who I knew were really praying – I felt lifted up. Sometimes praying together on the spot in this situation might be too much pressure or uncomfortable and the last thing you want to do is to inadvertantly say something wrong. But meeting with them in a private place, if they’re open to it would be fine.
- Give them the freedom to process through grief the way that’s right for them.
Many people grieve in different ways for different lengths of time, and the one thing I’ve learned is- that’s normal! Don’t force your help, ideas or expectations on someone who’s grieving. It doesn’t help anyone and it might be the things that pushes them away. Try to be patient and love them where they’re at.
I hope you find this simple list helpful. I know it’s not fancy, but in the difficulties of life, “fancy” doesn’t usually fit the bill! As with anything, pay attention and listen to your loved one. Don’t try to force anything on them. They have the right to speak what they want or need in the moment… and what they don’t. Be as respectful and gentle as you can. This is one of the hardest things to go through. God Bless your heart and efforts to show others how much you care for them!
