Are you grieving a loss? What is grief? Grief is a normal human response to any significant loss. What is significant? Well, if its significant to you – then its significant.
We can grieve many types of losses. The death of a loved one, loss of marriage or relationship, loss of a dream or job, loss of home, or loss of what we hoped for and never happened, are just some kinds of losses, but there are many more.
A few things I’ve learned in being a grief support group leader are:
- Pretending that grief doesn’t exist does not make it go away.
Denying our own feelings of sadness and heartbreak only delays the inevitable and can create more problems in other areas of our lives. We can soothe ourselves in unhealthy ways to pick up the slack and avoid our pain. Problems like anger, addiction, or destructive behaviors. Facing our true feelings is the way through grief. Facing it is the healthy things to do. Hard? Excruciating! But worth it to find healing! Admitting the pain is hard, but its also freeing because the weight of denial is heavy. We are breaking our own heart when we don’t admit and accept how we really feel.
- Don’t let others dictate your state of grief.
Sometimes well meaning people hate to see us suffer and may try to convince us that we shouldn’t still be hurting. Their perspective is not your truth. Their opinion does not keep your heart from breaking, if that’s where you’re at. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and speak your truth. There will always be people who don’t understand. There will be some who won’t know how to support you. Some people will try to give you advice about a place that they’ve never been; your shoes. Here’s some helpful ideas for words to empower you: “Thank you, but I’m still grieving and not ready for that.” “That might be right for some people, but it’s not right for me right now.” “People grieve in different ways and this is what’s right for me.” “People have different timelines of grief and I’m honoring my own timeline right now.”
Even I tried to push myself to stop grieving and I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. But grief is its own beast, its a process that can’t be forced.
- You have permission to grieve.
Giving yourself permission to grieve your loss is important. Like #1 – don’t deny yourself or pretend it doesn’t hurt. And like #2 – don’t let others dictate what your grief should look like. #3 Gives you the permission to honor your heart. In a world that is uncomfortable and uneducated about grief we can feel forced to fit into our own expectations or someone else’s. I want you to have permission to grieve even if the loss was years ago. I want you to have permission to grieve if you’re still on the grief journey and you didn’t find healing because you didn’t know what to do. Grief support groups can be wonderful with great leadership. Journaling is a nice private way to process feelings. Books, the Bible and friends can be of great support and encouragement. You have permission to grieve now, so that you can heal and find wholeness in your future.
Help carry each other’s burdens. In this way you will follow Christ’s teachings.
Galatians 6:2 GWT
I know what grief feels like, although I’ve never been in your shoes. I pray that you find empowerment in todays blog and know that you are not alone. God Bless you on your journey to healing. Much love and grace, Laurie
