Have you ever been completely blindsided? From out of nowhere being ripped apart, verbally assaulted for… being you?!?!
In all honestly my first inclination, my people pleasing nature, wanted to fall all over myself to make peace so that they wouldn’t be mad at me. But, I didn’t do that. I remembered that I had read something earlier in the week about spiritual warfare and that the only way to fight a spirit of pride was to fall on your face before God.
So alone, in my basement, I paused, knelt down and prayed one of the most selfless prayers I’ve ever prayed.
I said,
Lord, if I’m wrong in their eyes but right in your eyes, I’m okay with that. But if I’m wrong in their eyes and I’m wrong in your eyes, I’m NOT okay with that.
Laurie Krawchuk
As I prayed, I broke down weeping, Spirit-filled, ugly cry- deep soul anguish.
I wanted to respond to their assault. I spoke to friends asking for advice. But each time, none of it felt “right” in my spirit. It wasn’t the direction God wanted me to go.
Then He spoke:
In the fourth generation your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure.
Gensis 15:16 NIV
Which meant – WAIT. The actual words I heard Him says was “for the sin of the Amorites has not reached it’s full measure.” In this He meant that the hardness of the hearts of people are at different places. And until that hardness is complete – the weight of it will not break open when love is presented. But if I wait until the hardness is so heavy, cracks will present themselves, then God’s love can have a way in. Does that make sense?
So… I waited. I waited on God. Instead of doing what I wanted to do – I trusted and waited some more. Uncomfortable, faith-filled, god-seeking patience.
I listened and waited.
Then after a few days that felt like forever He spoke again.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Matthew 5:11NIV
This was NOT me trying to be godly, humble of forgiving – OR trying to make “them” happy. He was showing me His way and empowering me in His Spirit. My motivation was pure in my prayer. Step by step He was leading me.
Then He spoke again and it was time to move.
He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth.
Isaiah53:7 NLT
He was preparing me for what was about to happen. I would be unable to defend myself. Not that I would be helpless, but that I wouldn’t need to defend myself – He would take care of it; take care of me. And with each of their accusations, I would take them as a lashing on my back. He was showing me the picture of Christ, and enabling me to do the same.
As the time approached I prayed, no I YELLED earth shaking, heaven rattling prayers! I armed myself in Ephesians 6!
I did everything He led me to do. He spoke, I listened. He lead, I followed. He guided, I obeyed. He equipped, I was able.
It wasn’t anything like I would have done. It’s nothing that I would have come up with.
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
Isaiah 55:8
My motive was to be “right” with God. That was my prayer. It’s easy to think we’re right with people, or from our point of view. I think like that probably more than I would like to admit. But with God? We can’t always be so sure. If I wouldn’t have prayed that prayer that day – God only knows what would have happened. But I did. And I believe because I did – that it had eternal value, which surpasses any earthly notions.
And I think with a story like this, or God’s leading it’s natural to want to hear about some fairy tale ending or change in the hearts of our accusers. But, to the human eye, I haven’t seen it. Nothing has changed. But from God’s view I believe mountains were moved in the unseen world. Do you believe that happens?
For me? My conscience is clear. I did all that was asked of me. And God protected my ears and heart with each arrow that flew – not one touched me!
And for them? It’s between God and them. It always was.
