Miscarriage is a different type of loss. Sometimes we go through it and end up questioning the existence of real life. Was it even real? Did my baby really count? Was there ever really life? Because those doubts can creep in if we don’t have a doctors note or sonogram pics or things that other people have with losses that had time on earth. And let’s face it, generally speaking our culture doesn’t help substantiate life in the womb. Maybe you don’t have “proof.”
I remember cherishing this little piece of paper from the doctor, it was my “proof.” Even though my body had outward signs, and the pee stick read positive, and God even talked to me about it – I still needed written proof! There’s that little moment when your brain goes – wait – was it real? Did that life count?
I remember seeing Breck “Love” in the ER pee cup when the doctor asked me if I wanted to see him after he was removed from my body. I remember seeing Lani “Grace” in the ER toilet before my ultrasound, and telling the nurse what happened. I saw them. They were real. Although not like I had hoped.
But God’s word gives me, us, hope…
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:15-16 ESV
Another version, GWT says, “Your eyes saw me when I was only a fetus. Every day (of my life) was recorded in your book before one of them had taken place.”
And ISV says, “Your eyes looked upon my embryo, and everything was recorded in your book. They days scheduled for my formation were inscribed, even though not one of them had come yet. “
There is more than this life. I believe that. I love the version that says “fetus” and another version says “embryo!” Because I believe it means… IT COUNTED!!! Your baby counted! My babies counted! All our babies counted!!!
And with a heavy heart today, we can look towards a hopeful future found in the book of Revelation…
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.
Revelation 21:4 NLT
I don’t believe our babies were a mistake. I do believe our babies are alive today – just in a different place than you and me. I believe our babies counted and they still count today!!!
A lot of our time on earth can cloud our hopes of heaven. Sometimes people don’t know what to make of miscarriages and heavenly thoughts. Sometimes we don’t have a compartment for things like this. Sometimes we get told – “it didn’t work out,” so our mind comes up with its version of -was it real? Sometimes we don’t always have written proof. We don’t have a photo to carry around in our purse. And our thoughts jump to -did it count?
Did he exist? Does she count?
YES!!! I’ll say it again – absoluetly YES!!!
And I my heart lights up with this next scripture as I imagine it…
Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near your altar, O LORD of Heaven’s Armies, my King and my God!
Psalm 84:3
I love this verse SO much! I picture our little “sparrows” (babies in heaven), that God has made a place for; totally providing for every need and a wonderful, peaceful, beautiful home. Completely cared for with no sorrow or pain, only joy and eternal life. And someday we will be reunited. I look forward to that day!
God Bless your family and heavenly family. I pray that you will find encouragement today. And please share with anyone else who you think could benefit from today’s blog post.
