Last night I had one of those bawling breakdowns of how much I’ve been trying but keep messing up. I carried on my pity party about how I continue to do the same things, fail in so many areas of my life. I’ve tried so hard to change. Down on myself for not following through on my goals. Down for failing myself. I have prayed for God to change me. But last night was an all out- I can’t do it. I am not trustworthy. I will mess it up. Help me God. And I thought about all the ways I had failed God… and myself.
Have you ever been there? Discouraged, disheartened and defeated?
You had tried and kept coming up short! You’re trying to get through life. You’re trying to do better. Be better. Or maybe… feel better!!! But every time you turn around you’re failing miserably!! Your goals and plans are not working out!
Well, this is how I left that day- going to bed- owning up to messing up.
But I have good news – because the next morning God showed up and did something extraordinary in my life and I believe He wants to in your life also. He showed me how to beat discouragement and defeat!
So here’s the scoop…
The next morning I get up to meet with God in a devotional I’m putting together. It’s a Worship devotional where I focus on a new scripture each morning in a different category. Like one category might be the Holy Spirit and another one- my identity. But this morning the category was Jesus. The scripture I chose this morning was…
He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed.
1 Peter 2:24 NLT
As soon as I read the scripture it brought me back to my breakdown the night before.
And as I read the words to this scripture it pierced my heart. And then I might thought goes to- that never once during my breakdown the night before did I think of or remember Jesus carrying my sins. My only thoughts were about how terrible I was and how much I had messed up. I just proceeded to beat myself up and stay stuck in discouragement and defeat.
I’m like Wow – I really did a number on myself!
What if in our “I’m sorry’s,” “I can’t do this” and “I’m a mess” if we pictured Jesus taking it all on and carrying it for us? What if we changed the words in our head that beat us up to a picture of what Jesus did?
So then I decided to take a notecard and write down all the things that Jesus carried for me.
Sitting at my desk I wrote my weaknesses, failures and sins on a 3X5 notecard in red ink. Anything that came to mind I wrote down. After writing it all down on the front of the card I decided to get down on my knees at the foot of my desk and pray, thank Jesus and worship Him for all He has done.
As I’m on my knees praying and thanking Jesus, partly eyes closed, I glanced at my card and it looked like some of the words had been smudged to pink. I thought- Hmm that’s weird? Then I looked down again and the words were disappearing from the card right before my eyes. From the left side of the card the words were just vanishing. Its like the sins Jesus carried for me were turning from red, the color of the ink I had written them in, to white, and I could no longer see them!!! As I sat there more words; struggles and sins disappeared.
Now some of you are thinking yeah, right??? No, I wasn’t dreaming. No, I didn’t have a vision and I wasn’t hallucinating either. And no, I hadn’t been drinking or taken anything. Lol.
Literally my struggles were disappearing on the card, just as if Jesus paid the price took them upon Himself- they were gone! I was holding an empty pure white card.
God was showing me the power of Jesus!!! The power of the Good News of Jesus right before my eyes. What it means to be a believer in Jesus; His love, grace, truth and redemption. And it was so powerful. It reached deep into my heart and changed me forever! It has changed how I see my mess ups!
But the true explanation of how this could actually happen? So here it is…
The red pen I used was an erasable pen – but no I didn’t erase the writing. Also, it was a cold morning at my desk so I had the heater on under my desk. As I got to the floor and bowed down facing the heater and holding the card in my hand to pray, the heater hit the erasable ink and it started disappearing. I had no idea that would happen. I didn’t know heat would erase erasable ink.
But now my 3X5 white index card that was covered in red; all my failures, weaknesses and sins is now as white as snow- back to its original color. All I can see now are the indentations of the words that used to be there – but now they gone.
For all of these pieces to come together is crazy. I had a bawling breakdown the night before – which doesn’t usually happen- in fact I was supposed to be calm, quiet and working on my sleep, with a sleep supplement my friend gave me to try. I hadn’t slept well for a week. Probably 10 hours in the past week. It was not good!
And then the next morning I was doing my Worship routine but decided on scripture #6 on the list, not #1. It was cold so I had the heater on. I wrote in erasable ink. I wrote in red ink. I wrote on a 3X5 white notecard (not colored sticky note or paper). I knelt down to pray in front of the heater, facing it. And NOW I have the 3×5 notecard pinned to my corkboard in front of my desk on the wall to remind me that I am white as snow, my sins taken, my blemishes gone, Jesus carried them in His body to the cross and took them from me. Before God in Christ I am holy and blameless! Now I have a tangible reminder of God’s love for me!! Wow! God! Wow!
So lets break this down real quick for the next time you start beating yourself up.
1.Write down or hand it over; your worries, failures and struggles to Christ.
*Get all that crap out! Everything you are carrying as frustrations, weaknesses – everything!
2.Picture Jesus carrying your failures, weaknesses and problems instead of you – an instead of beating yourself up about them!
Do you know that Jesus brought grace and truth into the world?
The definition of Grace is undeserved kindness and favor. Picture that. Jesus is not holding guilt, blame or shame over you – but instead He is willing, compassionate and gracious to do this for you because of the great love He has for you!
What if the next time you start to beat yourself up over something, you stop and picture Jesus instead? What if you picture him carrying your burdens, taking your failures and weakness to the cross and redeeming you white as snow? What if instead of continuing to beat yourself up, you picture Jesus’ grace for you now?
Can you imagine the change that can happen in your life when you consistently practice these steps? Start seeing Jesus for who He really is and what He’s done for you, start now!
3.Instead of using harmful words to beat yourself up, speak words of gratitude and thanks to Jesus in response of what He’s done – that He carried your sins on the cross.
Now after you picture Him helping you out from under all this weight, worry, and problems – instead of hurling insults at yourself, let your response be words of thanks and gratitude to Jesus. And by the way – He overcame all those things on the cross! They deserved the penalty of death, but He was resurrected and that gives you hope! For He resurrects you to new life!
What a difference that would make! Now- your focus has changed- on Jesus! Your whole direction has changed- towards good! And your attitude has turned around- to hope!
This change in your thoughts; the direction and focus is exactly the faith that you need to operate in, in order to move to the next level in overcoming your struggles!!! You’ve left behind the thinking that has given yourself too much power and made you feel defeated. And now you have accepted that Jesus carries you and all your burdens so that it doesn’t all ride on you! You’ve traded beating yourself up to praising the God who loves you and saves you!
You’ve heard that Jesus carried our sins on the cross. You’ve probably heard it a thousand times! But next time, its going to be different for you! Your’re actually going to take action! 1. Hand over your struggles. 2. Picture Jesus carrying them. 3. Thank Him.
Its one thing to KNOW something… and another thing to let that KNOWING something guide your life and actions!! This is what it looks like for a person to live out their faith!
Its SO simple, yet you’ve got to do it for it to make lasting change in your life!
And now I am reminded of a poem called Footprints you may have heard before, it goes like this…
“One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there’s only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.”
The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.” – Margaret Fishback Powers
So the next time you feel defeated and discouraged picture Jesus carrying you, carrying your struggles.
1. Hand over your struggles. 2. Picture Jesus carrying them. 3. Thank Him.
One last thing- don’t take for granted this practice. Anything you want to be good at in your life you’ve got to put into practice. This isn’t a one and done kind of thing. By that I mean whenever those feelings of discouragement and defeat creep in- make it a practice in overcoming them right away in faith! To be clear – you’re not pretending situations don’t exist, but you’re believing Jesus can overcome in your life the things you can’t. And that’s why you come to Him in this Spiritual battle.
I hope you found encouragement in this post! I know how it feels to be giving it your best shot and come up short! Much love and grace, Laurie
